The other day I got a message from a reader. He said he’s been chasing a girl for months. He brought her gifts, showed his feelings, and kept trying to win her over. But she kept rejecting him. Now he feels depressed, empty, and uninterested in everything else in life.
Here’s the truth I told him.
One-sided pursuit doesn’t work. In relationships, if only one person is giving while the other person’s needs remain untouched, it’s nothing more than self-comfort. You might think your flowers, your words, or your devotion are powerful—but to her, if those things don’t solve her real pain point or desire, they don’t matter at all.
Think about the marketplace: even if a product is cheap, if the customer doesn’t need it, no one buys it. Love works the same way.
A real connection happens when your value meets another person’s need. That value could be emotional—like safety, joy, or comfort. It could be practical—like stability or social status. Or it could be spiritual—understanding, recognition, or shared growth. When your “charm” lines up with what the other person is missing, attraction feels natural.
Here’s a simple analogy. One-sided pursuit is like a salesman pushing a product nobody wants. The harder he pushes, the more annoyed the customer feels. But when the customer is already searching for a solution, and you happen to provide it, the deal closes effortlessly. That’s exactly how attraction works in love and relationships.
So stop thinking of love as begging. It’s not about proving yourself with effort—it’s about exchange. Only when you carry a certain value, and that value directly meets the other person’s need, will love grow naturally.
And what should you do in the meantime? Focus on yourself. When the flower blooms, butterflies and bees come on their own. You can’t control whether someone accepts you, but you can control your own growth. Read, exercise, improve your skills, build confidence. When you become stronger, happier, and more complete, you won’t have to chase love. The right person will recognize your value and walk into your life.
That’s the real lesson—whether you call it Maslow’s hierarchy of needs or the Charm-Need Theory. Love happens not because you try harder, but because your charm meets someone’s true need.
