Okay, so you’ve been lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering: “Wait… does my girlfriend even like guys?” First of all, you’re not crazy for asking this. People’s sexuality is complicated, and sometimes the signs can feel confusing—especially if your girlfriend isn’t the type to talk about this stuff openly. But if you’re noticing certain patterns in her behavior, it might be worth paying attention.
Before we go any further: there’s no perfect checklist for this. Sexuality is personal and fluid, and the only person who can tell you for sure is her. But if you’re looking for clues (and let’s be real, you are), there are some things that can make you go, “Hmm…”
Who Is She Trying to Impress?
One of the easiest places to start is by asking: who is she putting on a show for? A lot of straight women—consciously or not—spend time trying to look attractive to men. They might dress up a little extra for a mixed crowd, laugh at guys’ jokes, or subtly compete with other women for attention.
But if your girlfriend genuinely doesn’t care about any of that—like, at all—it could be something more. If she doesn’t seem to want male approval, never tries to catch guys’ eyes, and instead lights up around other women, that’s a clue. Pay attention to how she acts in a group: does she get extra sweet and playful around other girls? Does she seek out compliments from women, not men? Is she happiest when it’s just her and her female friends, while seeming kind of indifferent around guys?
Her Attitude Toward Men
If you’re dating a woman who’s into women, she might just not have that much interest in guys—period. And that can show up in small ways.
Picture this: you’re out with her, a super hot guy walks by, and you’re like, “Oh my god, he’s gorgeous.” She barely looks up from her phone and mutters, “Cool.” She’s not being rude—she just genuinely doesn’t care.
She might also be pretty selective about which guys she hangs out with. Some lesbians are basically allergic to men (besides a few they really trust), while others have a lot of guy friends but only see them as buddies—never anything romantic.
The “Femme” Myth
A lot of people still think all lesbians dress androgynously or act like tomboys. Nope. Some of the gayest women out there look like they stepped straight out of a fashion magazine. If your girlfriend is super feminine, always put together, and very into looking good, that doesn’t mean she’s definitely straight. In fact, a lot of femme lesbians love being girly because they’re into women who also love femininity.
But here’s the difference: straight women sometimes get competitive with other women about looks—especially in front of guys. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, might hype other girls up, not tear them down. If she’s never the type to say “ugh, her outfit is so trashy” when a pretty girl walks in, that could actually be a sign she’s not trying to compete for male attention.
Respecting Boundaries
This one can be subtle, but it’s worth noticing. Straight girls will sometimes playfully touch or tease their female friends—grabbing their arm, tugging at their clothes, joking about “flirting.” But women who are into women often have a very different vibe about it.
If she’s into girls but not into you, she might actually avoid those “playful touches” entirely because she doesn’t want to cross a line. She might turn away when you change clothes, not because she’s uncomfortable, but because she doesn’t want to be disrespectful.
The Little Things
Sometimes it’s the tiny details that say the most. Maybe she keeps her hands immaculate—almost like she’s thinking about whose hands might be holding hers. Maybe she has that “gentleman” streak where she insists on carrying your bag, opening doors, or making sure you get home safe.
And yes, there are also women who just… don’t have that competitive streak with men at all. They don’t care if guys think they’re hot. They aren’t interested in winning male approval. That might just mean they’re super confident in themselves—or, yeah, it might mean they’re simply not into guys.
What This Doesn’t Mean
None of this is proof. Seriously. There are straight women who hate competing for male attention, lesbians who love flirting with guys just for fun, and everything in between. Human beings are messy like that.
But if you’re noticing a lot of these patterns and your gut is telling you something feels off, don’t ignore it.
The Conversation You Probably Need to Have
At some point, you might need to just… ask her. Not in an aggressive “are you gay or not?!” way, but gently, with respect. The goal isn’t to corner her or accuse her of anything. It’s to let her know what you’re feeling and open the door for honesty.
You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed you don’t seem super into guys, and I just want to check in about where you’re at. I care about you, and I’d rather be honest than assume.”
If she feels safe, she’s more likely to tell you what’s really going on—whether that’s “I’m into girls,” “I’m not sure,” or “I just have a low sex drive right now.”
At the end of the day, her sexuality is hers to define, and she might still be figuring it out. Your job isn’t to label her—it’s to respect her, and to figure out if the two of you are still a good match.
And hey, no matter what you find out, you’ll at least have the clarity you need to make the right call for yourself.
